My house was a very peaceful and rational house. My friends would come over and would be so shocked at how chill everything is. They would call my family the Brady Bunch. I once was pulling in our Lexus into the garage and I pulled in too sharp and pretty much scraped the whole side of the car (it looked worse than it was). And my mother comes out and takes one look at the car and turns to me and says, "So what happened to the car?" "Umm well I kind of turned too sharp into the garage and it scraped the car." "Ya I'd say. Well get to work. You better hope the paint comes off." and heads back inside. There was no yelling or fighting. We are very level headed in my family, but that changed when Patch died.
When a tragedy happens, people change. Anger that is directed at the situation can sometimes be directed at the wrong subjects. It's just one more thing that I have to get used to, not that I am not at fault myself either. Sometimes I will just be short and quick with my mother even when she has done absolutely nothing at all. I find that I have to walk around on tiptoes in my house sometimes because even the littlest of things can be blown out of proportion because one is feeling emotional that day. It is very hard balancing my family. Right after the accident my dad sat us all down and said with tears in his eyes, "We have to stick together. It is going to be tough but we need each other." The gap in my heart is never more evident than when I am with my family. My family has two families within it, the large family and the small. The large family is when it was all 6 of us, and the small family was when it was just my parents, Patrick, and I because Beth and Dan were away at college. Both were so precious to me, but there was just something about the small family. We were so happy and so complete. Our family dinners would last for hours because we got along so well and could make each other laugh. The other day I went to church with my parents and it felt so wrong, just like everything else in my life. Patrick should have been there and he would've been there. The Brady Bunch is torn apart and I find myself watching the reruns and mourning how perfect it was without me even realizing.
Classic Action Shot with the Sieverts